I Poooooo
Aug 29, 2008 Uncategorized
Last night I decided to check out a spanish horror film called [rec]
It’s not looking good for my pants is it?
Anyway, holy hell! It was truly horrible. About 10minutes into the film when things first started to go bad I immediately had the horrible sensation that I wasn’t alone in the room. Of course I was, it’s just a film. But I had to press pause and have a look around to make sure. Unfortunately my living room has a sort of balcony thingie and the cats like going up there and making noises… so there was no way I could relax…. so I decided to give up and watch the film when I wasn’t alone.
That lasted about 10minutes till I had to just press play again and see if it got worse.
About 14 seconds after that I was up from my seat turning all the lights on and taking deep breaths. It didn’t work though, by then I was far too scared to watch any more.
This went on for the next 30 minutes as I kept watching more of the film in 5minute segments, aieee even now writing about it I can feel the hairs on the back of my neck going up. Yes I stupidly watched even more of it on my own till I could take no more. Going to bed wasn’t my finest hour I have to admit. Scampering along turning lights ON as I passed them was the order of the day. Yes I know I’m officially a wuss!
So, the film is about a TV presenter and her camera man who are spending the night with a fire crew. It’s all very mundane until they get called to a house where there are reports of someone being hurt… As soon as they get in there things go wrong and they can’t get out and there is blood and screaming and oh god what’s that aieieeieie oh it’s just the cat panic panic panic. I can’t give too much away but it’s just like Blair Witch Project
This video showing audience reactions pretty much says it all…
Urghhhh I die now please
Aug 28, 2008 Uncategorized
Just back from a really excellent meal at the Royal Oak Inn in Lavant. Although it’s called a pub it’s really a restaurant… and well known as one of the best in the area. I haven’t been for at least a year though as last time I went the place was a tip from a busy lunchtime – food on the floor and unclean tables. That’s all it takes for me to not want to go back.
Anyway, I was really glad we went tonight and the prices were so reasonable, 3 drinks and three courses of food for just £65 – that’s half the price of many places around here. I started with French Onion soup mmm, then had “Portabella Mushroom Burger served with Sweet Potato Chips and Homemade Sweet Corn Relish”. Now, that sounds like a burger with mushrooms on it right? Nope! It turns out the burger itself was made of mushrooms, really finely chopped and packed together. It tasted nothing like mushroom – in fact the closest taste was black pudding! It was lovelyyyy though.
To finish I had lemon meringue which was tasty but I felt far too full by then! Hmm, actually I do also remember making an olive sandwich from the bread and olives they brought out as we arrived, cof, oops.
Tags: royal oak lavant pook lane review dinner dining restaurant
World War Z
Aug 25, 2008 Uncategorized
Woww, I *so* want the world to be attacked by a plague of zombies that wipes out most of the population! Surely you can understand it’s a good idea?
- No more work
- No more worrying about things like fuel prices or the economy or global warming
- Only the smart are going to make it, no fatties or thickies woohoo!
See how cool the idea seems? The reason I mention it is that I’ve just finished reading World War Z
Like all good fiction, the book makes you think what you’d do in such a case. It turns out that one of the best choices is to head above the snow-line (places like Alaska) as then the zombies freeze solid and you can easily bash the brains out of any that you find (-: In the book many millions of people fled to sea and ended up on islands which were great… until it was realised that zombies don’t stop at the waters edge, they’ll carry on going on the bottom of the sea until they come to the next dry land! I also liked the idea that when a zombie sees you it’d let out a typical zombie-moan which would in turn attract and zombies within range who would let out the same noise… now this worked really well in the war against them as it was possible to just get one zombies attention and that would snowball into literally thousands of them all ending up in the same place… and then getting their brains blown out! It had lots of good snippet facts such as why zombies have white eyes (it’s because they don’t have any fluids in body so their eyes are scratched white) and that zombies don’t eat meat for food and will eventually burst from eating!
I live in West Sussex, a relatively low population area… but still nowhere near remote enough to be safe in the event of an outbreak. The book indicated that zombies were relatively easy to evade providing you didn’t come across huge groups or get cornered… So I think what I’d do is get as much fuel as possible, warm clothes and tools, then put all of these things in a car along with my bike, then drive as far as I could north (which isn’t likely to be far as in the book all the roads became jammed and everyone stuck in the cars became zombie-snacks). Then once I’d run out of road I’d travel by cycling until I was in the remotest part of Scotland I could find and try to live off the land there. I guess trying to sail somewhere even more remote would be worth a try… but you’d need to make sure you didn’t get the same idea as millions of others. Hmm, that might rule Scotland out then.
It would be exciting though! And would beat work any day. p.s. try not to moan too much next time you see me as I might justttt decide to place an axe through your skull. (-:
West Stoke House
Aug 22, 2008 Uncategorized
West Stoke House is easily the best restaurant in the Chichester area, yep better than the Kennels and even KFC. It’s situated just outside the city in West Stoke and is a beautiful oldish building with nice grounds.. it’s recently been given a Michelin star so it’s a right pain to get a booking at short notice now. Hmm, as I’m writing this a little voice inside my head is saying“Well actually it does have quite a few faults”. So I’d best get them out of the way now…
- The art. Oh god the art. I believe they showcase local artists, but I think they haven’t clarified that the local artists are all escaped from an asylum and shouldn’t be allowed to be near anything pointy ever. The art is so miserable and dark. And is plastered all over the rooms. I love the idea of the contemporary art in an older building but please, please make it from people less stabby.
- If you have meat… it comes rare. Rare is the only way it comes, tough. Well, that’s not entirely true, the manager will politely ask the chef if he wouldn’t mind killing the cow before he puts it on your plate, but I kind of imagine he makes this request through a keyhole so he won’t get stabbed. Hmm, maybe the chef is the artist?
- You need to train your stomach before you go… now I know this sounds a little odd, but if you’re used to a normalish diet of pies and chips and pizza, um, I mean, pasta and healthy food… well, the food at West Stoke House is a little on the rich side. I’ve been lots of times now and quite often I’ve needed a good old lie down afterwards as my stomach deals with all the vibrant, excitable new tastes it’s dealing with. Not really much of a complaint I guess, but just be ready!
Apart from that it’s excellent.. and it managed by simply the best guy I’ve met in a restaurant. He’s funny, opinionated, cheeky… but all with a very polite and respectful manner. i.e. he’ll take the piss but he knows that you’re paying the bill. It’s not too cheap I’m afraid, dinner normally runs to about £150, but it’s really worth it, especially for the soufflé alone! On my last visit I had…
- Pan fried breast of squab pigeon (what’s a squab?!!?), pan fried foie gras (which was lovely but bloody massive), peach chutney and brioche croutons
- Roasted saddle of rabbit, rillette (wtf is a rillette? I think it was potato maybe?), morel risotto, pea shoots, hazelnut foam (god damn foam is everywhere now)
- Chocolate tart, homemade white chocolate ice cream, milk chocolate crunch. Mmmm choc
It’s a great place, you don’t need to dress up, I always go in scruffy jeans. In fact I was even more scruffy as I was driving a 20yr old Renault 5. Go! p.s the photo is of the “roasted rib of 35 day stotch beef with tastes of onion”. I love the phrase “tastes of onion” as it was really just uber posh onion rings!
Tags: west stoke house chichester restaurant review eating dining out
Number Twelve or No. 12 or Number 12 or No. Twelve?
Aug 22, 2008 Uncategorized
Oddly, I may never have gone to this restaurant… as the Great God Google doesn’t seem to think it exists. But I’m going to risk a thunderbolt from the Googleplex and say it does. Anyway, it’s a pretty nice restaurant in Chichester. I’ve been there about three times now and my only real complaint is that most things seem to taste of sun-dried tomato. The manager is down to earth and good natured, hmm, maybe a bit too informal at times I dunno, but better than being too stuffy I guess. On my last visit I shared this starter with Jen although it could easily have fed the 5000…
Then followed it with an excellent steak….
You can’t fault the food at all and the prices are what you’d expect to pay at any restaurant in Chichester really. On my three visits it’s been pretty quiet but I hope it manages to hold it’s ground, and use up it’s dubious wholesale purchase of sun-dried tomatos.
Tags: chichester restaurant number 12 eating out dining review
Why I’m not thin
Aug 9, 2008 Uncategorized
I don’t think this really needs much of a description. This was my normal evening food intake on holiday at the Elysium Hotel in Cyprus earlier this year… (click on each image for the text). What’s worse is that on holidays like this I eat more every day, in fact on my honeymoon by the 14th night I was up to 7 pain au chocolats each morning, on top of my normal breakfast!
Pinned to the sky
Aug 7, 2008 Uncategorized
Yesterday I had the most truly amazing experience, one I didn’t think I’d ever be lucky enough to have… I got to fly in a second world war plane. The photo above is of my Harvard T-6. That actual plane was built in Canada in 1943 and used to train *actual* fighter pilots in WWII.
The history of the plane, and the lives of those who trained in it and what they went on to experience never left me through the entire flight. Young men who were just over half my age going up into the sky to possibly not come back, so amazing.
Now, not to be overly dramatic… but most of the entire event was a near death experience for me as well and I *surely* deserve a medal? My pilot Dieter was damned cool. Bloody good looking as well which is of course sickening. Once he got me into the passenger seat…
… it was a 5 minute explaination of the 4 things I had to do in the event of the “most likely” problem – engine failure. Surprisingly none of these four things was to poo myself. In fact, if we did experience an engine failure I think all 4 of my actions would have involved poo. Then it was engines started and we were off.
Holy crap I nearly cried, it was so stunning. I have never flown in a small plane before and it was like we were pinned to the sky. Everything was so smooth – which is a miracle for a 65yr old plane. I’m 38 and my ass is the only smooth part of me! Once we reached our altitude at which we could safely “glide down” (plummet to ground with lots of poo involved) into a field if the engine failed Dieter flew us over to the coast and gave me the controls!!!!
Aieee!
It was so so easy to fly though and so controllable. The big joystick thing you only had to move about 2inches and the plane just tilted into a turn and stayed there! I was expecting drama and winches! So I had a pootle (a 150mph pootle) over to Portsmouth and we had a laugh about how shitty a city it was, then we turned round and headed along the coast.
Before we took off I was worried about dying, mainly from hurling every single one of my bodily organs out of my mouth. But 15mins into the flight I was feeling awesome! I could see my house, water-skiers in the lakes below, ships coming into harbour, was a beautiful summers evening….
What could go wrong?
Everything? Yep
So, I was feeling good, unbelievable in fact. As I said before it felt we weren’t moving, that we were pinned to the sky. Then Dieter said “so, want to do some acrobatics”?
Stomach : nononononononononononononononononononononononononononononono
Brain : nononononononononononononononononononononononononononononono
Heart : nononononononononononononononononononononononononononononono
Bottom : nononononononononononononononononononononononononononononono
Mouth : Yeh!
!?!?!?!?!?!
Who the hell spoke then? Paniccccc, my mouth has been hijacked! So, first of all we did a “simple” move involving tipping the entire plane on its wing tips. Arghghghghggh. Unbelievable, wow, so awesome.
Little messages started arriving from my stomach then… urgent messages. And I started getting hot. And sweating. But anyway, I survived as we did dives and climbs and experienced lots of G’s.
So, woohoo I survived!
Then he said “want to do a roll?”
Stomach : mmmm sausage roll, or maybe an artic roll! oooo or a bacon roll!
Brain : nononononononononononononononononononononononononononononono
Heart : nononononononononononononononononononononononononononononono
Bottom : nononononononononononononononononononononononononononononono
Mouth : Yeh!
?!?!?!?!!?!?!?
Who the hell said yeh!?!?!!?!?!?!
So, oh god, panicccccc. He said I needn’t worry about holding on to anything as the G’s would keep me pressed into my seat, then told me to look at the horizon…. then ARGHGHGHGHGHGHGH HELPPPP PLEASE LET ME JUST FALL OUT OF PLANE OH GODDDDD. It was only a couple of seconds but oh my goddd.
It was awesome, I’m so glad I didn’t chicken out as it was a once in the lifetime experience. We then headed towards Arundel and tipped our wings (flipped onto our side) over Amberley Castle – wow! Such an incredible experience, then began our flight home….
Now, know when you’re in a car and you need a wee? And it’s manageable right, you think “I’ll make it”. Then all of a sudden you see a sign to your home town and even if it’s still 50 miles away your not-so-intelligent bladder seems to think “wow we’re home, let the wee out!” ? Urrr, well I hope you know what I mean. My point is anyway that as we began our journey back my stomach began a serious trying-to-get-out-of-my-mouth impression. Luckily Dieter suggested I open the hood – wow! Was bloody windy at 150mph but cooled me down so much and I survived all the wayyy to the ground.
Had a good chat with Dieter afterwards, he’s aiming to fly a Spitfire one day and I really hope his wish comes true, he was an excellent pilot and made the experience amazing for me. Thanks!
Took some photos of me in my sexyyyyyy outfit…
… then made my way home… once I got home I pretty much collapsed. It was like a massive adrenalin come down and I just fell onto the sofa and slept for about 2hours. Then my body sort of came round and I began to take in what I’d experienced. Unbelievable!
Tags: aerodrome, flying, goodwood, harvard, west sussex